


Too Many Drinks - Dan Howell (Triggering)

by smoshyphantrash



Category: Amazing Phil, Dan Howell - Fandom, Danisnotonfire - Fandom, Phan Trash - Fandom, Phil Lester - Fandom, The Phandom, dan and phil
Genre: Abuse, Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Bruises, Domestic Violence, F/M, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Miscarriage, Pain, Pregnancy, Rape, Sad, Scars, Sexual Abuse, Sexual Assault, Triggers, alcoholic, triggering
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-12
Updated: 2016-08-12
Packaged: 2018-08-08 03:29:39
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,157
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7741687
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/smoshyphantrash/pseuds/smoshyphantrash
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dan comes home to his wife drunk one night. What happens next is a total shit storm.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Too Many Drinks - Dan Howell (Triggering)

**Author's Note:**

> VERY TRIGGERING  
> NOT FOR THE FAINT OF HEART
> 
> RAPE  
> ABUSE  
> DOMESTIC VIOLENCE  
> SEXUAL ASSAULT  
> SEXUAL ABUSE  
> MISCARRIAGE  
> DRINKING  
> ALCOHOLIC  
> ALCOHOLISM

This is happening again. Dan has been gone for hours and hours at a time almost every night this month. Each night, he comes home blackout drunk. Then he sleeps his hangovers away. It's a shame, especially when I've got great news to tell him.

As soon as I pick up the phone to call Phil, here he comes. Bringing a drunk ass Daniel into my living room. "Passed out on the bar counter." Phil sighed. I nodded, giving him a few cookies as a thank you for dealing with his shit. Phil laid Dan on the couch. "I'll talk to you tomorrow." He smiled. He gave me a kiss on the cheek. Nothing out of the ordinary. He was like my brother.

As soon as Phil left, Dan stood up, coming to me. "What was that?" He said, slurring. He pinned me against the wall in our hallway. The force knocked down a picture of us on our 3 year wedding anniversary. I looked into Dan's eyes, fearing what was happening. 

"What the fuck? Dan, let me go!" I yelled. He just put more crushing pressure on my wrists. I winced in pain. "Dan, Phil and I always do that, you know it. He's the closest thing I've got to a brother."

Dan chuckled darkly. "So you'd fuck a brother?" I furrowed my eyebrows. "Awe, baby girl, tell me you aren't that clueless." He smirked. 

"What the actual fuck are you talking about?" I asked, glaring at him. I was small anyway, I couldn't compete with his 6'3 stature at all.

"I remember that one time you and Phil hooked up." He smirked, grabbing my hip roughly. "Who's to say you didn't try it again?" 

"That happened back when you and Phil first met." I said. "How in the hell is that relevant now?"

I felt a strike against my face, matched with my high scream. "Don't you ever fucking talk to me like that again." Dan yelled, grabbing me by my wrists. He was strong enough to pick my entire body up like that. Once he did that, he took me to the bedroom. "You are mine, don't you fucking forget it." He attached his lips to my neck, kissing roughly. I tried to raise my hand to push him away but my hands felt lifeless and numb. I began to panic even more. What the hell happened to my husband? He turned into a demon, someone who I refused to love or to be around. He pinned me down into our bed. A bed once full of love, now filled with a drunken control and intoxicated hate. 

I beat on his chest. "Dan!" I yelled, "Fucking stop it!" I began crying, stressing out. "Please!" I begged.

Dan pushed my arms down. "Shut up!" I have no idea who this man is. It's not Daniel James Howell. Within moments I felt the chill of the room on my bare skin. I would think that feeling Dan's skin against mine made me warmer, but I just felt even icier. "It appears to me that I need to fucking show you who you belong to!" Dan yelled, slapping me. I cried out covering my face. Instinctively, I clamped my legs together, but Dan just forced them back apart. This wasn't happening. We'd been married for 5 years, why would he being doing this to me? Is it because I gave him my life at 19? Did I not notice a side of him that needed to be recognized? Was I too blind to have seen it before it was too late? It's most definitely too late now. Every fiber of my body screamed "no." That is, every fiber except my voice. I prayed so hard and desperately for Phil to have forgotten something of his that'd he'd given to his best friend or something I had that I'd forgotten to give him. Anything to stop this from happening. 

I began vocalizing my cries, feeling nothing but pain. Physical pain and the pain of betrayal and humiliation.  Dan quickly slammed his hand over my mouth, muffled every sound. My No's turned into moans, even though this was far from pleasurable. "I swear to God," Dan growled. "Make another sound, I'll make this worse. Don't test me, woman." I could stop fighting, but the sick bastard inside of my lover would say I accepted this. Although I had already lost, I refused to cease fire. I bit his hand and took the backhand coming for me. "You bitch!" He shouted, letting a punch land on my eye. 

Everything became blurry as this all came to an end. Part of it because my eye was becoming swollen, but mostly because I was tired. Dan, the man I loved, the man I had been joined with in holy matrimony, had his way with me. A few more seconds and the 15 minute defilement was over. Dan moved off of me and I sat up in tears. I didn't run to call 999, I didn't run to dial Phil. I ran to the bathroom to see what he'd done to me.

Bruises, cuts and a shattered ego is what he left behind. I put my left hand on my face, wincing at the busted lip. I let my right hand drop to my stomach, trusting in the odds of sexual intercourse hurting an unborn child, even though I was filled with doubt. I left the washroom and went back into our bedroom. After I put on some underwear and a long t-shirt, I began stripping the bed.

Was I hurt by this? Yes.  
Am I intimidated now? Yes.  
Did I hate Dan for this? No.

I was just determined to make him sober up soon. Dan was in the shower, washing away the unforeseeable sin. Cold showers. I finished making the bed and ran to the water heater. I turned all of the hot water off, knowing I was successful when I heard Dan yell out in the sudden change. I then went to the kitchen, quickly fixing a burger with spinach/artichoke dip on the side. These remedies would prevent a hangover and help me talk to him in the morning. Once he came out and got dressed, I bought the food to him. "Thanks, baby girl." He smiled.

I nodded and walked into the bathroom to begin surveying and cleansing my wounds. I put an eyepad over my black eye, so I wouldn't have to look at it or fix it with makeup until the next day. There wasn't anything I could do to fix my lip, I had to admit that right now. The bruises and small gashes on my wrists were wrapped in a medical cotton bandage before wrapped over all in a cloth bandage. The other bruises on my face could be covered in makeup later. I checked my hips. Scratches and bruises that could be covered up by long enough shorts. Other than the busted lip, everything else could be covered and otherwise, hidden.

As Dan finished his food, I went into the kitchen, making myself some food. I carried on as if nothing happened. He came into the dining room after washing his plate and stood behind me. He kissed up on my neck and I shifted softly in my seat, trying not to make anything hurt. I shot him a quick, yet uncomfortable smile. "Hey baby?" I asked softly.

Dan hummed on my jawline, "Hmm?"

"Would you mind sleeping on the sofa bed in the office?" I spoke softly, afraid he'd lash out again.

"No, not at all, sweetheart." He smiled. "Matter of fact, I should get to sleep now. I've got to go to the radio station tomorrow and pick up some things." We shared one more kiss before he went to bed. I cleaned up my food and called Phil.

"Hey..." I whispered. 

"Why are you so quiet?"  
"Well, Dan just went to bed... Hey, did Dan ever... Take advantage of someone in a past relationship? Take money? Mooch? R-rape?" My voice began to crack. It's the first time in the past hour that I let myself feel the word. Rape. I was raped.

"No... Why did he do something to you?"

I planned on lying until my face turned blue. I planned on protecting Dan. My answer wasn't supposed to be "Yes."

"Oh my God, ______. Are you ok? D-do you need me to come get you?" Phil was so over protective and worrisome. 

"No, just... Just take me to the hospital. Just come here and take me to A&E."

"15." He said, hanging up.

We went to the doctor's office and the news of the trauma was leading me to the beginning stages of a miscarriage. I didn't know what to do. Should I tell Dan that I'm pregnant then bring him here so I can end my child's suffering? Or should I let nature take its course? Or should I do this right here and now? Either way, my baby wasn't going to survive, and I didn't have anyone or anything to blame. It should've been easy to blame Dan for it, but I couldn't bring myself to do it. Maybe it was because I loved him too much. Maybe it was because I wasn't ready to throw away 5 years of marriage. Whatever the reason, Dan couldn't be blamed.

Either way this goes, Dan would feel guilty about the offense and hurting the baby. I just didn't know which way would hurt less. If I let the baby naturally succumb, it could happen while we sleep. Maybe he deserves a chance to say goodbye. 

In the end, Phil took me home. I couldn't sleep at all. Phil stayed with me in the lounge. Wherever I sat, I kept a towel under me. We waited until Dan woke up at 6 am, 3 hours after we got home. I was awoken to Dan's chirpy voice, "Hey Phil." He said, still sounding sleepy. Phil smiled and woke me up.

"It's time..." He whispered.

I sat up as coercion and apprehension set in. Dan furrowed his eye brows, walking closer to me. "What happened to your eye? And your neck? Y-Your wrists. Your lip?" He asked, caressing my cheek.

I held out a sonogram picture. "Dan. This is our little baby." I said, drained of emotion. He took the picture slowly. 

"W-Why is it barely there? I-Is it too young to see?" He asked. "Sweetheart, what the hell happened?!" He began panicking.

I took a deep breath. "Y-You came in drunk again. Phil gave me a kiss on the cheek and you accused me of sleeping with him. You slammed me against the wall before grabbing me and taking me to the room." I paused, emotion showing finally. I looked up into Dan's glossed over eyes. "You... You raped me, Dan." I said softly. I watched him begin to crumble on the inside. 

"O-Oh my God... I-I I'm so..." His voice faltered as he became soberly aware of what happened last night. "S-So the baby?" He asked, "Please. Tell me it'll be ok."

I bit my lip looking at Phil. "The stress was too much for a growing fe-"

Dan began crying hard. "No... God, no."

"-tus... I either have to let nature take its course, or g-"

"Oh my God! I'm so sorry, baby, no!" Dan fell to his knees, holding onto my waist softly. "No, please!"

"-o later today and terminate the pregnancy... It's not going to survive, either way. If it by chance does, it's life will be a living hell." I placed my hand behind Dan's head softly as he cried.

He began hyperventilating. "I-I-I I am s-s-so sor-r-ry!" 

I kneeled down in front of Dan. "Just take this moment right now to talk to it... Let them know how much you love them."

Dan nodded, pulling himself together. "H-Hi baby... Daddy will always love you... I wish I could see you grow. The 9 months here and then for the rest of your life. Daddy will always love you..." He broke down once again. I held onto him as he cried, rocking him back and forth. 

I yelped out in pain. "Ooh... Oh God." I whispered. Dan stopped, looking at me. Phil stood up and walked over to me as well. I looked down and grabbed Dan's hand. The tell-tell sign came. I began to bleed through the bottom of the large shirt. I squeezed Dan's hand softly. "It's over, Dan." I breathed. 

Dan held onto my waist, crying hard again. "I'm so sorry, baby!" He couldn't stop. 

"Hey..." I smiled. "It's ok, Dan. I still love you. We're going to get you help." I was still confident in the fact that we could still work this out, I still loved Dan. He just needs help. And I'll stay faithful and help him through it.


End file.
